New Moon by a guy: New Moon in 5 mins

So I'm getting pressure to put out my review of New Moon and honestly I'm still on a super emotional roller coaster so I decided when TheWolfMan posted HIS review, a take off of Twilight in 15 mins, I'd just post it here. Cause it's pretty damn funny. If you don't want SPOILERS, Dont read yet


New Moon in 15 Minutes by TheWolfMan

Bella: Hi Gran...oh crap...I'm Gran

Edward: Happy Birthday Bella

Bella: ugggh

Charlie: Wake up old woman...Happy Birthday bella...mom says happy b-day too

Bella: ugggh

JEAM: Happy Birthday bella (JEAM=Jessica, Eric, Angela, Mike)

Bella: Uggggh

Edward: Happy Birthday

Bella: 'Im not into the whole cougar thing

Jacob: Happy birthday bella

Bella: Jacob rocks so he gets to say happy birthday and give me a gift

Edward talks about suicide while watching Romeo and Juliet

Alice: Happy birthday bella, you will love your gift and you will wear it tonight.

Bella: Jasper your mind thing sucks!

Jasper: Happy oh nevermind

Bella: is that Carlisle in that painting thats coming to life?

Edward: pretty much

Alice: We got you gifts...get over it

Bella: Paper Cut Shoot

Jasper: oOo (im gonna eat you...get into my belly)

Bella: Why am i flying through the air...oh its cause Jasper has that you brought a snack look.

Carlisle: He wont change you

Edward: I'm leaving you Babe

Bella: there is a hole in my stomache

Jacob---duh da duh...Here he comes to save the day!!!!!

Bella: Can we build these bikes

Jacob: only if you will fall in love with me

Bella: You're to young

Battle about age points

Bella: Im 35 and your only 32

Jacob: they are done

Bella wrecks because she looking at imaginary edward

Bella: Jacob your kinda beautiful

audience gasps as Jacob takes his shirt off

Pan to movie where mike gets sick and Jacob puts the moves on Bella

Mike: I swear i was already sick before the gory movie

Jacob; well maybe you need to go to the hospital- want me to put you there...what the hell is wrong with me

Bella: why wont you call me back jake

Jacob: Because im a wolf and you dont know...

Bella looks for meadow alone and find Laurent

Bella: dont kill me...what the hell...thats not a bear that a wolf...and there is five...i recognize those eyes

Jacob: Go away and never come back...Im Bad...very very very very bad

Bella what are you dooin gracefully gliding into my room.

Jacob: Figure out what I am damnit

Bella: What did you do to him (i am assuming you're paul that im yelling at)

Paul: Spasm Spasm Spasm look at me I'm a Wolf bear

Bella: Run Jacob he is gonna eat me

Jacob: not on my watch

Its a bird...Its a plane....Its a Jacob Black Fursploding into an even awesomer Wolf Bear

Bella: You're a monster Jacob

Jacob: Sorry I'm not the right kind of monster

Bella: Im okay with you being a dog...dont kill people

Jacob: I only kill vampires...and they are not people

Bella: Ok I love you again

Jacob: damnit Cullens...Why you got to ruin my mojo?

Bella: Sorry Jake I'm going to Italy

Alice: He will see my coming you have to stop him

Bella: Dont edward I'm alive

Edward: Yay im gonna drop my EMO front for two seconds then those volturi are gonna bring it out in me again

Battle at Italy is cool.

Alice...I will change her myself let her live...I've seen it because im cool like that.

Aro: Oh drats...ok Alice i believe you

Edward: I love you

Bella: Ok I love you again

Edward: The dog wants to talk to me

Jacob: Remember you can never change her or I will kill you:

Edward:oO (I know he's right because im EMO like that)

Jacob: Im gonna explode into a wolf and kill you now

Bella: Please don't

Jacob leaves

Edward: Will you marry me?

The End