So
this has become an item of popular interest since Kristen Stewart was recently discussed as an option to play Snow White. The script quickly lept onto the internet and can be
downloaded for free at mediafire
It's 111 pages... My thoughts? Well it's full of spoilers, so if you don't want to read the spoilers on this one, then please close it now. But know that the spoilers are so Twilighty that it makes me giggle.
Well it opens with apples. So of course Twilight fans are already excited. APPLES PEOPLE, APPLES!
The bad? By page 3, it's VERY DISNEY. I mean Disney. The description of Snow White's beauty starts to rival chapter long descriptions of Edward's face alone, but then the animals enter, and they chirp and sing and smile and act all Disney-Animal like...
And our happy sappy heroine washes them. With happy soapy bubbles and giggling
And it's all so simple. Snow White is pretty and natural and her evil StepMother is beautiful, but in a Stepford Wife Housewives of Beverly Hills kind of way. She's even accompanied by three evil BEAUTICIANS. I'm sorry, evil beauticians? Those people work magic and I don't think it's ever evil.
Well ok when you put them side by side, I can kinda see the point.
And it gets more Twilighty. On about page 6 we get wolves. Red Russet colored HUGE wolves. Huge red colored NOT BEARS.
And. Well you might as well guess this one.
THEY SHAPE SHIFT INTO MEN.
Now it starts to turn interesting as we find out the role of the Huntsman in this entire tail. Snow White escapes her evil Stepmother and runs to the woods. The Evil Queen decided long ago that beauty is power and she has been capturing young beautiful women across the land and locking them away. She uses some magical power to drain their beauty into a potion and drinks it to maintain hers . The Huntsman does what you might imagine-- he hunts down beautiful girls.
Snow White reaches the age of 18, and her beauty becomes the FAIREST in the land overnight, so says the mirror. That night the evil queen kills the king, and Snow White escapes into the night, similar to the scene from Narnia and Prince Caspian.
The Huntsman takes the challenge, and hunts down the escaped Snow White. He captures her very quickly, by page 14, so this movie is not fraught with the Huntsman merely looking for Snow White while she giggles and coo's in the woods at birds and bears, I mean Not Bears who might be men.
The Queen states to the Huntsman that his prize is "The WhiteWolf". The White Wolf killed The Huntsman's wife about 10 years prior to our current situation. The Huntsman's wife was the "fairest in the land" at the time. Snow White spills the beans, while shackled and crying, that the White Wolf actually SERVES the evil Queen and the Huntsman, feeling betrayed and used, calls the deal off.
So he yanks Snow White with him, narrowly escaping the guards, and they run to the Dark Woods. No cooing birds in there.
Now we break to Prince Charmant, Snow White's childhood love. He lives in a different kingdom, through the dark woods. He is at the age to marry and is being offered all the beautiful girls in his land, but of COURSE he's bored and none are good enough.
SOMEHOW in the midst of courting a billion hot girls that bore him, he finds out that his precious Snow White, whom he hasn't seen since he was 11, is in trouble and on the run. He mounts a mother fracking WHITE HORSE and goes off to find his love.
Cut back to the dark woods. Snow White and the Huntsman (named Eric) are finding their way through the dark and shadows. The woods play tricks on them. They retire for the night, and we see Snow White develop a spine and personality. She's snarky and funny and tells jokes to pass the night. Sort of, but hey, she's only had birds to talk to her entire life.
She warns Eric of trolls under bridges, and he scoffs. A page later... just go ahead and guess for yourself.
Flash to the past. We discover that The Evil Queen's mother was a witch, who enchanted her to be beautiful "forever" as well as invincible. Her kryptonite is "except one girl". We don't find out who "except one girl" is, as the King sweeps in at that moment to take Young, Newly Beautifully Enchanted, Scared and Vulnerable Sorta Evil but not yet but soon to be Evil Queen.
Back to the woods. Eric promises to teach Snow White how to survive in the woods, starting with self protection and axe chopping/throwing/wielding. Snow White stops him from killing a hungry wolf, and feeds the wolf their food instead. She teaches lessons of "animals aren't all bad". He teaches her to defend herself and how not to be a pansy.
They finally make it through the woods to a village, to find beautiful women in the village have all scarred their faces in an effort to not be kidnapped by the Queen. This is how they survive.
They sleep and we see the Huntsman softening towards Snow White, WHO STILL DOESN'T HAVE A REAL NAME. While they are in the village sleeping, Eric drunkenly tells this story:
INT. ANNA’S COTTAGE - THAT NIGHT
Snow White sleeps on a tiny cot. Eric sits beside the bed, a
mug of ale in his hand, a bottle at his feet.
ERIC
(raw, tired)
Once upon a time... there was a
wicked Queen... who had a beautiful
stepdaughter... with lips as red as
blood and skin as white as snow...
With glazed eyes, he whispers a STORY to the sleeping Snow
White, knowing full well that she can’t hear him.
ERIC (CONT’D)
This Queen, she desired above all
else to be the fairest woman in the
land... so she sent her finest
huntsman to kill the girl. But the
huntsman, he was a good man... he
saw how young and innocent the girl
was... and he couldn’t bring
himself to kill her...
Eric glances back, sees Anna standing behind him.
ANNA (O.S.)
That is a good story... I wonder
how it ends.
But wait!!! It gets scary quickly!
EXT. RIVER VILLAGE - THE NEXT MORNING
In the predawn twilight, a BURKA WOMAN scatters seeds for a
brood of chickens in front of her cottage.
Out of nowhere, a HAND snatches the burka away, revealing the
woman’s scarred face. She SCREAMS.
Somehow from here we take a staggering turn to introduce The Evil Queen seducing some gross old king who has lots of money in an effort to combine their kingdoms.
And then dwarfs enter the picture, Prince Charmant shows back up to rescue the girl, a big show is made about feminism and that the "damsel does not need rescuing". We figure out the mystery of the White Wolf who transforms into a man.
The dwarfs are actually a little more like those in the Lord of the Rings. They mine in caves, and there are 7 in the end after a battle kills the youngest of the group.
I have to admit, the feministic tones are almost TOO much, as it tries to shove home the idea that this is not your standard Disneyesque fair damsel story, but this line was nice
If you had saved Snow White, she would never have learned to save herself.
A plan is made for Princey Prince, The Huntsman, the badass Dwarves and Snow White (still with no real name despite the plays for obvious equality in this story) to all storm the castle during the Evil Queen's wedding to the old evil King she seduced earlier in the story. The Queen knows they are coming and devises a poisoned apple to feed to our no-name heroine. She transforms into a raven, flies to the Dwarf lands, and hands an apple to Snowy. For some reason, our logical and now well trained heroine, takes the fracking apple and eats it.
Plot holes abound. Is she a strong female or not? Does she need rescuing or not? I'm a little sick of the back and forth. The mood swings are giving me whiplash.
The prince DOES rescue her, somehow putting some magical potion in his mouth, and feeding it to her through a kiss after she's frozen in ice or some shit. It just gets wonky from there. It falls apart faster than a 14 year old girl spying Robert Pattinson across the street.
Suckily, the coolest character with the most depth, the Huntsman, dies in the battle and Sorta Newly Strong Never Named Snow White ends up with Prince Boring and the movie ends.
